Drone Zombies / Dormant AI Flowers

I realize I've been spending too much time on the internet for about, oh, 20 years now. Remember chat rooms, early html web pages, Alta Vista? Yeah, me too. Has any of this internetting helped me grow or mature into a better person in any way? I'm not sure that it has. I have a friend named Matt that I've never met in person. He sends me songs by Magnetic Fields and I've become a fan: Drone Zombies - what a scary concept. Can you imagine if they did this to people? or cats? Have you ever googled "do I have depression?" The results are never good. I'm hoping someone can fix the AI in my head. I've been living through some trials with my family, my mother in hospice, a few siblings on the edge, imminent to fall into the abyss, and my usually February blues, despite taking my megadoses of vitamin D/ The usual things that bring me joy aren't really working right now, so I'm focusing on staying away from bad substances, news feeds and negative creeps. Also my work has been perilous, accounts that used to be stable and easy to manage have been steered into difficult terrain by forces above my control. Ugh. I started a long blog post about the feeling of realizing I'm not as smart as I ever used to think I was - should be obvious to anyone who isn't a narcissist but I'm not exempt from that apparently. I'm hoping this winter will pass and that with the spring the flowers in my mind will bloom again but for now, bury me deep like a bulb and let me be dormant for awhile.