Days in Oblivion / Nights in Terror

it's evening in Vancouver and there is a magical warm light that's fading into a pale blue sky with nice streaks of cold black and pink clouds. many of my best memories of my life were from various summertimes in Gasquet, California. the evenings would get later right around the end of June.Iit would be so nice and warm and dry outside with a musty forest smell blowing up from the river. Inevitably I would stay outside , reading books, kicking around the dirt, riding my BMX bike. At 10:00 it would still be light out and the Twilight zone would be on, probably a broadcast by WGN 9 from Chicago, one of the five stations we got on our primitive 1980s cable. The bug zapper would be killing the mosquitoes. Maybe Mom would have some ice cream and we'd sit there and watch the Twilight zone together. that's what this evening light reminds me of. I know these are abnormal times. it is inescapable, even if you want to pause the news, there's always a new, brutal, stupid, damaging story that comes up. I'm so worried for the future of my people I love in this country and all those others too. I think unknowingly, like a lot of American gen xers, I was kind of patriotic. Up until age 13, i liked saying the pledge of allegiance. My dad was a veteran and I thought the army was cool. I liked the American flag. 1976 was the bicentennial and I had a Susan b Anthony half dollar. The USA had high self-esteem. I have memories of the 1976 election when Carter won over Ford I think? and then again in 1980 when Reagan beat Carter and I was disappointed. I liked President Carter. I like peanuts. But now, that patriotism, even if nascent, has been beat out of me. I no longer feel anything but numb, and disappointed in the choices of my co-citizens. I know that everyone was just thinking their own thoughts and trying to find their own way with their votes, but they made a big mistake this time. I just wonder how it will go.